Bumpy Ride

Well Cyclocross Provincial Championships is in the books. It was a day of great triumph and for many of my friends on the circuit and in that respect I guess it was a success. A special congratulations to Shaun Adamson who had the ride of his life to finish 2nd in the Elite race and to Lonn Bate for his third place in Master A. Honorable mention to Nick Friesen for 3rd in Elite despite nicking the barriers and Keith Bayley for raising the bar for style in Master A.
For me it was not a success.... I started out in good position from the gun and sat in the lead group for the first lap or so. After that I quickly fell off the pace. I felt like I had no power, no punch or jump, I felt extremely flat. I was motivated and physically and mentally prepared, but on the day I couldn't put it all together. The course was great, it was almost totally flat and very fast. Conditions were dry and there were no technical or difficult sections to really break things up, it was all out power, whoever for was the strongest on that day took the race. I ended up in 10th place, top 5 was definitely attainable and the goal was top 3, something I know I could have done on a good day.
Now I just have to stay positive and think about all of the hard work I have put in this year and the last couple of months leading up to the race that really counts on Saturday at the National Championships. I know I can pull myself together for that one, its going to be fun.

Photo courtesy: Keith Bayley

How to be a bike snob

If you are a cyclist (and considering where you're reading this, I think that's a safe bet) the following moment either has happened, or will someday happen: you are on your bike, riding along, when a car passes you, with one or more bikes on its rack. After doing a quick assessment, you think to yourself: "Junk." Or it might be an equivalent word, probably with the same number of letters.

That, my friend, is the moment you became (or will become) a bike snob.

Gauge your bike snobbery
So, the question is not whether you are a bike snob. Rather, it's how much of a bike snob are you? Answer these questions to find out.

Finish the following statement: "My bike is worth…"
a. More than I admit, even to close personal friends. And it's worth much, much more than I admit to my significant other.
b. Its weight in gold.
c. Really, just gold? Well, I guess that's how much mine was worth before I upgraded the wheelset.

You are riding along the pavement when a recumbent bicycle with a bright orange flag approaches from the other direction. What do you do?
a. Smile and wave. Hey, it's great that we're both on bikes, no matter what kind!
b. Nod nearly imperceptibly, so that others on real bikes will not notice.
c. Ignore this Philistine, and avoid eye contact at all costs. Cross to the other side of the street if necessary.

When was the last time you cried?
a. When someone stole my bike.
b. When someone scratched my bike.
c. When I was in the local bike shop and a pudgy guy with baggy MTB shorts and a BMX helmet came in with a Bianchi S9 Matta Ti/Carbon Record, asking the mechanic to put slime in the tires so it wouldn't get flats so often.

How many bikes do you own?
a. Two
b. 3-5
d. Are you counting complete, rideable bikes? Or do I have to count all the frames? Also, do I have to count the vintage bikes I keep in case I ever decide to open a bike museum? How about the one that Eddy Merckx once touched?

How to score yourself: Oh, be serious. You know how bad you are.

Snobbery 101
Now that you've admitted that you're a bike snob, you have a choice: either suppress it, or embrace it. My recommendation: embrace it. Be as snobby about bikes as you possibly can. What's the fun in being only mildly elitist? Here, then, are several helpful tips you can use to demonstrate to everyone you ride with that, of all bikes in the world, the only one that is not beneath contempt is the one you are currently riding.
Bike brands: They're all terrible
There are a lot of bike manufacturers out there, and chances are you don't have enough time to learn why they're despicable on a case-by-case basis. Instead, use the following sweeping generalisations.
Big Manufacturer: If you need to scoff at a big-name company's bike, take a back-door tactic: talk about how great they were back in the old days, before they sold out to corporate interests and lost their soul. Isn't it a shame that now they just churn out these lowest-common-denominator bikes with no personality or flair? As a bonus, if you're confident they manufacturer overseas, make a snarky remark about cheap labour and getting what you pay for.
Boutique Manufacturer: Crouch down and take a very close look at the welds on the bike. After looking at a couple, say "Hmmm..." When the bike owner demands what that "hmmm" meant, raise your eyebrows, smile just a tiny bit, and say, "Oh, nothing."
Drilling Down: What's Wrong With Everything
The bike manufacturer is just the tip of the iceberg, though. To be a really thorough bike snob, you need to start looking at minutiae.
Frame Material: All frame materials have weaknesses. No, not weaknesses inherent to the materials themselves. More importantly, they say something about the rider that can be easily despised. Steel? Oh, you must be going for that "retro" look, at the expense of performance. Titanium? That's so 2002. Carbon fibre? Well, that's fine, if you want to be a slavish, me-too trend follower. Aluminum? Well, that both delivers a harsh ride and is what beverage cans are made from. Which, when you think about it, is just…well…gauche.
Components: Naturally, any bike snob will quickly assess all components on a bike and be ready to render judgment. If any of the components are below the absolute highest level available, well, it's almost too easy. "You know, I think you made a good choice going with Chorus for now, though once you've been riding for a while you may notice that shifting just doesn't feel as crisp as with Record."
The real component snobbery battle is not in the level one has, then, but rather with which brand: Campagnolo or Shimano. And since both in reality work exceptionally well and are extraordinarily reliable, the bike snob needs to work in intangibles: "I find Shimano componentry lacks the flair of Campagnolo." Or, "Campagnolo just doesn't feel as precise as Shimano." The great thing about these statements is that they indicate that your biking sense is so refined that you notice subtleties that aren't even there. Even more importantly, they can't be quantified, so they can't be disproved.
Cranks: Really, this one is too easy. No matter what crankset you are scoffing at, ask the hapless owner "Don't you find that crankset a little bit flexy?" Try to use an incredulous tone, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Do not consider, even for a second, the possibility that 99.99% of cyclists cannot tell the variance of flexibility between the stiffest and squishiest cranks in the world.
Pedals: If the pedal has any float, squinch up your nose and say it doesn't have a positive enough connection to the bike. Say it feels "vague." If it has no float at all, indicate that it's a fine pedal indeed…if you don't mind having your knees ruined.
Fallback Position
It's possible, unfortunately, that you may run across another cyclist who is as great a bike snob as you, but happens to know more about bikes. This is a serious situation, but can be handled. If you are countered at every assertion, stop talking. Smile. Fold your arms. Exude wisdom. Eventually, the other cyclist will stop talking and look at you, wanting to know what you're smirking about.
This is when you say, "Nothing, really. To me, it's not really so much the bike that matters - after all, it's the engine that's going to win or lose the race, isn't it?"

Of course, this is a two-edged sword. Now you've got to prove that you're not just a bike snob, but a fast cyclist, which, naturally, you'd be happy to do - in fact, you would insist - if it weren't for your tendonitis.

Get more useless advice, fake news, and fact-free opinions most weekdays at Elden Nelson's 'Fat Cyclist' blog

Belgian Cyclocross Tradition Dropped

No more beer tents in Cyclo-cross
The UCI has banned cyclo-cross races from passing through beer tents, one of the hallowed traditions in many Belgian events. The decision was made on the grounds that it was unsafe, on the basis of remarks made by Richard Groenendaal last year about the difference in inside/outside temperatures and the danger of being hit by beer glasses. However, Groenendaal said that his comments were not intended to be taken that way.

Trick or Treat?

Its Halloween on Monday, not a big a fan of it I think its kind of rediculous, the US Department of Homeland Security sure doesnt think so....


Trick-Or-Treaters To Be Subject To Random Bag Searches
October 26, 2005 Issue 41•43

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to "a possible threat of terror and fright," Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced Monday that trick-or-treaters will be subject to random bag searches this Halloween season.

Police prepare for a long and spooky night.
"Individuals concealing their identities through clever disguise, and under cover of night, may attempt to use the unspecified threat of 'tricks' to extort 'treats' from unsuspecting victims," Chertoff said. "Such scare tactics may have been tolerated in the past, but they will not be allowed to continue this Halloween."

While he would not elaborate on the specific threat, Chertoff said his office had "heard a couple spooky tales," and indicated that there was good reason to believe that Americans face "a very ghoulish scenario" this October.

"We have done and will continue to do everything we can to protect citizens from those who would play on our fears," a haunted Chertoff said. "Nevertheless, Americans are advised to be in a state of readiness."

National Guard troops and local police are being stationed at checkpoints in residential neighborhoods to seize the contents of any paper bags, pillowcases, plastic pumpkins, or other receptacles. Additionally, candy-sniffing dogs will be posted at regular intervals to locate and devour suspicious items.

Local, county, and state officials have been placed on orange alert, with strict orders to confiscate and investigate bags containing Bit-O-Honey, Snickers, Baby Ruth, Twix, Butterfingers, Mr. Goodbar, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, gum, and any and all forms of taffy.

Chertoff discusses possible perpetrators of Halloween mischief.
Chertoff asked Washington citizens for their assistance, and he outlined steps that the average citizen should take to aid in the war on fright. The DHS guidelines encourage parents to report any suspicious neighbors who create potentially spooky yard displays, especially those that include candle-illuminated pumpkin faces, skeletons in windows or doorways, or repeating tape loops of werewolf howling.

Chertoff recommended that law-enforcement authorities be granted sweeping new powers to ensure security, including mandatory street-corner identity checks for suspects wearing clothing designed to conceal facial features or otherwise obscure ready personal identification. Additionally, local police have been ordered to detain any individuals appearing to be ghosts, goblins, witches, or other characters designed to evoke fear.

Critics of the warning say that the DHS is merely sowing seeds of unease for political reasons, pointing out that the organization has yet to present any real evidence of the threat.

"This is yet another misguided and unfair example of profiling by our nation's law enforcement," said ACLU spokesperson Marilee McInnis. "It's doubtful that many G.I. Joes will be searched, but Aladdins, genies, and belly dancers should expect a huge crimp in their Halloween fun."

US international trade crisis

I taste of what is making international headlines this week. Thanks to www.theonion.com






Spaghetti-Os Discontinued As Franco-American Relations Break Down
November 14, 2001 Issue 37•41

PARIS—With talks collapsing at the 11th hour, Franco-American relations hit an all-time low Monday, casting the future of Spaghetti-Os-brand canned pasta in serious doubt.

Spaghetti-Os.
"Thus far, three months of negotiations have yielded bitter fruit," French minister of foods Guy Charpentier said. "Despite concessionary offers from both sides, no acceptable compromise has been reached on a number of key issues, including sauce tanginess, sodium levels, and pasta-ring size. As a result, the sort of friendly Franco-American partnership necessary to produce the neat, round spaghetti one can eat with a spoon may no longer be possible."

U.S. Canned Goods Secretary James Miller echoed Charpentier's sentiments with a terse, "Uh-oh... Spaghetti-Os are in grave jeopardy."

An ambitious Franco-American joint venture, Spaghetti-Os have been a source of tension between France and the U.S. since August, when the 10-year accord governing its production expired. U.S. delegates have refused to renew the pact unless numerous revisions are made, including a 60-40 split of profits.

"We contribute a majority of the ingredients, including all of the thiamine mononitrate, ferrous sulfate, and enzyme-modified butter—not to mention all the paper for the labels—so we should get a majority of the proceeds," Miller said.

At 11 a.m. Monday, operations at L'Usine Des Os, the world's largest Spaghetti-Os manufacturing plant, ground to a halt, leaving the world with as little as a week's supply of Spaghetti-Os in reserve. Meanwhile, French efforts to replace the O-shaped pasta with plain, easier-to-produce long spaghetti have proven fruitless, with the U.S. threatening to withhold Ravioli-Os from French supermarkets if there is an "embarg-O."

French prime minister Lionel Jospin and U.S. Canned Goods Secretary James Miller at last month's Franco-American conference.
The international dispute casts a pall over the proud and storied history of Spaghetti-Os. A symbol of trans-Atlantic friendship dating back to 1965, the canned lunchtime staple began as a cooperative effort between U.S. president Lyndon Johnson and French president Charles de Gaulle, who shared the conviction that the convenient pasta meal was a delicious and nutritious way to maintain good Franco-American relations.

From 1965 to 1968, a panel of top U.S. food engineers painstakingly developed the four sizes of Os while France's most esteemed chefs developed the distinctive tomato-and-cheese sauce. Unveiling Spaghetti-Os at a White House dinner, Johnson hailed the breakthrough as "the zesty, flavorful glue that holds our two nations together in peace." Subsequent development of meatball and sliced-frank varieties of the product only added to its enduring mythos.

After years of mutual amity, however, the Age Of Spaghetti-Os may have finally come to an end. More fuel was added to the fire earlier this month, when U.N. Secretary Of Quick-Heating Prepared Foods Stefan Fredriksen openly questioned the Franco-American venture in the November issue of Bon Appetit.

"In an age when Kellogg's Pop Tarts™ are being dropped on the impoverished people of Afghanistan, the notion that the U.S. and France would devote so much of their resources to the production of circular spaghetti is ludicrous," Fredriksen said.

In a stopgap attempt to alleviate the crisis, Italian minister of cuisine Hector Boyardee offered the Franco-American alliance an emergency airlift of "ABCs & 123s"-brand pre-cooked pasta. French officials declined the offer, however, due to their American counterparts' insistence on pronouncing "123s" "one, two, threes" rather than "un, deux, troises." In a recent speech to European convenience-food authorities, French President Jacques Chirac also preemptively rejected any Italian offer of pasta shaped like Spider-Man™.

Visit from Belgium

Had a very short visit from Kris and his friend Andy in late September. Not sure if you got this yet Sammy?

Some pictures of Calgary in early fall

Here are some pictures I tried to mail out a while back, but I don't think they were received for whatever reason. These were taken from the ridge that runs along a portion of the north side of the Bow River only minutes south of my house. The Bow River divides the city of Calgary in two into the north and south portions. The bike path that runs along the river is a favourite for easy recovery rides and is part of the route to get out of the city for longer rides. This part of the city is a great example of how Calgary has incorporated large undeveloped areas of greenspace into the city plan. This is a major contributor to the fact that Calgary has the most space per capita of any city in the world. Urban sprawl and suburbial development are actually the main reason for this and it has caused huge infrastructure problems in the form of traffic congestion and the inefficiency of public transportation systems.

View looking north west.

View of downtown Calgary

There is a great running trail that runs along the ridge. The trail makes its way up and down along the ridge making for some great training possibilities. The trail itself is about 4 long as you see it above. I usually do a 10 km loop from my house that includes this trail.

They say that lots of these berries on the trees means there is going to be a lot of snow in the coming winter....Maybe I should invest in some xc skis, its going to be a white one!

22 degrees in late October...

It was 22 degrees here in Calgary today. That is far to warm for late October.... Went for a little spin along the bikepath on the cross bike. Got caught in the battle for home from the office along the Bow River pathway from downtown, otherwise known as the "commuter olympics". All of the office types get their kicks every day around 5 with this event. Did you know that according to the Calgary Herald the average income of a bicycle commuter on the stretch of pathway between Downtown and Edworthy park is $60000? Participation was at an all time high today because of the weather. Noticed 2 crashes and far to many people about to blow their knees out in that 1 hour ride. Commuters need to spin more, its like going for a ride with the motorcycle shop group in Liedekirke only these guys dont even know better....

Cross Roundup...

Well cross is well underway and the business end of the season is about to begin! COming up are cross Provincial Championships in Red Deer, National Championships in Hardwood Hills Ont. and Aurora UCI C2 cross in Aurora Ont.
After lots of bad luck, form and starts I finally put it all together for this past weekend's Deadgoat Cross on home turf. It was a great course with everything a crosser could ever want. They had sandpits, a fast paved start, only one double, two super muddy decents, wet wooden bridges and the longest most slippery runup in western Canada. I got off to a great start sitting in about 3rd for the first three laps or so. The front runners were within sight that entire time, with them opening a bit on the long runup and me closing it back to a steady gap on the muddy sections. On lap 4 I crashed coming off a wooden bridge and ended up throwing my chain off in the process. After a stop to fix the bike, three riders past me and I was back on in 6th position. The course was getting worse in terms of mud every lap. One section before a shorter runup was becoming almost unrideable, but trying to ride it was better than running through and getting your shoes all clogged up. Eventually this section got so bad that both wheels stopped turning and after the short runup I was forced to stop and pull mud, rocks and grass out of my bike to get it rolling again. I also had to start trying to ride through every puddle possible along the course to keep the drivetrain moving with relatively little restriction. In the end I passed one of the guys ahead of me after he broke his frame, and the Dutch rider in second ended up dropping out due to a broken rear derailluer. So after one hour of pain and thrills it was 4th for me on the day. I have now finished the hard 6 week or so program to prep for nationals. Now it is time to start the taper in time for Provincial Championships (to hopefully win and secure a provincial team spot) and then the race we have all been waiting for National Championships. Nationals and Aurora should be good events. Nationals is on the Saturday and Aurora on Sunday, its being dubbed "the biggest weekend in Canadian Cyclocross History". Tim Johnson and Greg Raien are among the top pros due to make their appearance.
Hopefully some pictures from the mudfest soon!

Rippin:Velocity Cyclocross Oct 8. 2005 (Photo: Claude)

Runup, Velocity Cyclocross Oct. 8 2005 (Photo:Claude)

Velocity Cyclocross, Oct 8 2005 (Photo: Claude)

Welcome to P. Productions (pronounced: P Dot Productions)
This is a chronicle of major events and thoughts in order to better stay in contact with friends abroad and for anyone else interested.